Take My Picture

But, don't tell me to smile.

When I was a kid, picture day meant trying not to get my good clothes dirty before school. It meant trying to keep the ginger ‘fro or bushy mullet tamed. It meant sitting, shoulders back, knees to one side, head slightly tilted, “Now smile.”

I remember in grade seven, I wore a silk shirt with a pattern like a table cloth, and boy, did I think I looked good.

The pictures were printed and mailed to my grandparents. Proof that I grew up. Proof that I could follow the instructions, to sit still, and smile.

And then I became a teacher.

My first year I took the picture straight.

“Just swing your knees to the side, head a little to the left, and smile.”

That was the last time. I felt goofy.

So why not be goofy?

The first year, my colleague and I had to do a little convincing before the photographer would take the shot. It felt wrong to him. He was told that the rules were the rules.

“Can we take a normal one too, just in case?”

We didn’t.

It became a game. You couldn’t plan for it. No bringing props from home. We always went together.

The group of teachers became bigger. Eventually, maybe six or seven of us.

The pictures got more outlandish. The laughter more gregarious.

There were some bad ones. The year Chester was “applying Chapstick” mid-photo. The little white tube dangling in front of her lips looked like a joint. Re-takes were needed before that ended up in the yearbook.

And then I moved.

The school I’ve come to wasn’t in on the game and it was photo day. I had been a member of the school community for two weeks.

Do I take a straight photo? Just until they know me.

No. I took one that was just a subtle subversion of the norm.

And I’m right back into it.

Every year, when the yearbooks are handed out, I get a flood of students coming and pointing at my picture and laughing. With a smile on their face, “Mr. Kemp, what are you doing?”

And there it is. Exactly, what I’m doing.

Now smile.

From l to r, top to bottom: Eating Lunch, Paparazzi, Party On Wayne, Just A Little Spin Through the Neighbourhood, Arr Matey, Not All Superheroes Wear Capes, Trying to Hit the High Notes, I'm On the Case, Wiggita-Wack

At my new school, I needed to tone it down a little. Until I didn't. From l to r: Hmmm, What Have I Done?, Look I Wost My Teeth, Raincouver